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10,000+ funny quotes

81 Funny keep quotes

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

3 months ago

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

3 months ago

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

3 months ago

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

3 months ago

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

3 months ago

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

3 months ago

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

3 months ago

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

3 months ago

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

3 months ago

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

3 months ago

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

3 months ago

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

3 months ago

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

3 months ago

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

3 months ago

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

3 months ago

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

3 months ago

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

3 months ago

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

3 months ago

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

3 months ago

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

3 months ago