Funny quotes last Page 3

80 Funny last quotes

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

3 months ago

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

3 months ago

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

3 months ago

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

3 months ago

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

3 months ago

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

3 months ago

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

3 months ago

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

3 months ago

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

3 months ago

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

3 months ago

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

3 months ago

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

3 months ago

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

3 months ago

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

3 months ago

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

3 months ago

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

3 months ago

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

3 months ago

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

3 months ago

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

3 months ago

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

3 months ago