Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Commentary:
"Who needs a crowd when you've got a family size Toblerone as your loyal companion? 🍫✨ It's time to dive into chocolatey goodness and indulge in a one-on-one sweet escape! 🍫🕺 #chocolateoverdose #TobleroneLove"

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Commentary:
"Talk about being single to the point where even the neighborhood cats are trying to set you up with some home-cooked meals! 🐱🍽️ Who needs a significant other when you have a feline culinary squad on standby? 😂"

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Commentary:
"Seems like even your own self is ghosting you now! 📵😂 Maybe it's time for some self-reflection on your caller ID skills. #VoicemailVoices"

You’re never alone. There's mold.

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Commentary:
"Who needs friends when you have mold, am I right? 🤣🍄 It will always be there to keep you company, silently judging your snack choices and flourishing in the damp corners of your life. #FungusFriendsForever"

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Commentary:
Oh, dear! Looks like someone's devices are feeling a bit drained and can't power up those creative ideas! 🤖🔋 Don't worry, we can definitely find some non-battery-operated inspiration to spark your genius instead! ⚡💡 Let's leave those tired devices to recharge while we dive into some electrifying new ventures! 🚀💥

I'm actually quite nice. If I had friends, they'd all confirm that.

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Commentary:
"Oh, you're 'quite nice,' huh? 🤔 Sounds like a classic case of 'If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?' But hey, who needs friends when you've got such a sparkling personality, right? 😄🌟"

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Commentary:
Dating over 40 is like playing an intense game of Hide and Seek, except you're the one in camouflage trying to blend in with the furniture! 🙈 Who needs a partner when you're the undisputed champion of disappearing acts? 🤣 #ExpertHider #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Commentary:
"Who knew a house plant could be the ultimate hydration buddy! 🌿💧 Here's to ensuring there's always someone wilting more than you! 😂 #PlantParent"

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Commentary:
Ah, the joy of being single during the holidays. 🙃 While everyone else is busy decking the halls and roasting chestnuts over an open fire, us single folks are pros at putting on a brave face and pretending that we're totally fine spending another night alone with our Netflix queue. 🎄🎁 Just think of it as an extended opportunity to practice your solo dance moves and enjoy the entire box of chocolates without any judgment! 💃🍫 #SingleBells #

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Commentary:
"Hot singles in your area! 🌶️💔 They're like elusive unicorns – tempting but always out of reach. Better luck next time, champ! 😜"