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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Seen just now on Discord:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Breaking via Slack:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

Just landed via X:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Just shared via WeChat:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Trending via WeChat:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

150 Funny making quotes

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I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

1 week ago

artist, drugs, genre, i, making, miss, music, music genre, nostalgia, sex-addict, singer, song, The Weeknd, Weeknd
Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

1 week ago

bad, bad choice, bad decision, choice, choices, decision, humor, humorous, making, myself, number, pride, proud, record-breaking, sarcastic, self-deprecating, today
Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

1 week ago

burn, decide, decision, decision making, dinner, food, humor, i, making, meal, meal planning, order, pizza, planning, procrastination, trying
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

1 week ago

alcohol, bad, bad choice, better, choice, decision, decision making, decisions, drink, drink humor, drunk, drunk decision, humor, i, making, ones, self-deprecation, sober, sober decision, sure
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

1 week ago

advice, balance, brain, caution, decision, decision making, follow, heart, humor, making, take, wisdom
I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

1 week ago

compliment, confidence, decision, decision making, decisions, government, humor, i, independence, just, making, myself, outcome, read, said, sarcasm, self-compliment, self-esteem, should, thanks, thing
Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

1 week ago

cat, cats, entertainment, humor, making, media, pet, sleep, sleeping, social, social media, spend, third, video, videos, viral, viral video
I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

2 weeks ago

5, entertainment, feel, happen, humor, i, interesting, irony, just, keep, life, making, ridiculous, season, shit, storytelling, writers
They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

2 weeks ago

comedy, genius, humor, intelligence, learn, learning, making, mistake, mistakes, sarcasm, say, self-deprecating, soon, why, wit
Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

2 weeks ago

chores, clean, cook, daily, daily task, decision, decision making, grocery, humor, humor quote, i, laziness, making, okay, procrastination, reading, shopping, task

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

17 shares on YouTube this month:

36 shares on Slack this month:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

29 shares on TikTok this month:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Body by sandwich.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Breaking via WeChat:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Just shared via Discord:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Live now on X:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

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All funny making quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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