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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,781

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Just landed via Telegram:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Spotted on Twitch:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Freshly posted on Slack:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Freshly posted on X:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Seen just now on Instagram:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Home » Funny Own Quotes » Page 17

172 Funny own quotes

More funny own quotes 👇

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

0

5 months ago

advice, emotional, emotional health, forgetting, health, humor, memory, mindset, move, move on, never, own, reality, relationship, sanity
For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

0

5 months ago

advice, always, communication, decision, decision making, humor, making, mixed, mixed signal, own, sanity, signal, signals, take
Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

0

5 months ago

asking, cigarette, humor, joke, own, pack, smoking, stealing
(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

0

5 months ago

boys, hope, humor, i, milkshake, own, playful, playful teasing, teasing, yard
I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

0

5 months ago

forgetfulness, humor, i, joke, memory, own, party, plan, planning, surprise, surprise party, swear, worse
They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

0

5 months ago

anyone, appropriation, cultural, cultural appropriation, culture, dog, else, gender, gender reveal, got, humor, i, invited, joke, just, own, party, people, reveal, say, white, white culture
Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

0

5 months ago

alone, apartment, cause, cleaning, Funny, funny situation, having, humor, i, just, living, living alone, naked, own, place, situation, whole, yourself
I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

0

5 months ago

argue, argument, behavior, business, i, idiot, idiots, internet, just, keep, mind, minding, minding business, online, online behavior, own, scrolling
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

0

5 months ago

boyfriend, daughter, family, girlfriend, humor, looking, much, own, parents, proper, relationship, started, take
What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

0

5 months ago

advice, babe, communication, give, humor, irony, others, own, relationship, sarcasm, wrong

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

52 shares on X this month:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

27 shares on Discord this month:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

33 shares on Slack this month:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

98 shares on Threads this month:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

25 is the new 0 years old.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Breaking via X:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Going viral on YouTube:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Live now on WeChat:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Shared recently on Threads:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Making waves on Facebook:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Activity Log ✨

172 Funny own quotes

More funny own quotes 👇

All funny own quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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