155 Funny something quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

  Commentary:
  Well, looks like the days of subtle sassiness are over for the ladies! 🙅‍♀️ No more digging in purses for coins or lip balm, just straight to the point with that middle finger! 💁‍♀️ Keep it sassy, ladies! 💅

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

  Commentary:
  What a hilarious routine! 🐾🎰 It's like your dog is waiting for the snack jackpot every time. Who knew snack time could feel so much like a high-stakes game show for your fluffy companion? Keep the entertainment going for both of you! 🍪🤣

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, just casually dropping a 'hello' to Santa like it's no big deal, but we all know it's just a clever ploy to get on the nice list 🎅🏼✨ #SantaKnowsBest"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like my talents are playing hide and seek, because they certainly aren't showing up in my daily routine! 🤔🕵️‍♂️ Maybe I'm secretly a master at procrastination and Netflix binging instead? 🤷‍♂️📺"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the good ol' days of spreading rumors like the town crier of misinformation! 🗣️🤥 Kids today have it so simple with just a few clicks to spread rumors faster than wildfire. 🔥 Let's hope they also inherit the responsibility to fact-check before hitting that share button! 🕵️‍♂️ #ThrowbackThursday #TechyTimes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

  Commentary:
  "If you're going to be a backseat driver, at least do it quietly 🚗💥 Otherwise, it's going to be a real scream fest in here! 😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

  Commentary:
  💌 When I show up at the post office, it's like I've just announced a major plot twist in a telenovela! The look of shock on the post office worker's face is truly priceless. I mean, who knew mailing a package could cause such a commotion? 😂 #PostOfficeDrama #SurpriseDelivery

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the magic of new life! 👶🌟 Nothing quite like feeling the profound joy and then bam – You're already planning his future career on LinkedIn! 😂 Who needs nursery rhymes when you've got networking skills, right? #BabyCEO"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

  Commentary:
  "Marriage: where two people can take turns being the 'smart one' and the 'dumb one' 🤪🧠 That's the beauty of teamwork, right? 😂💍"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

  Commentary:
  Well, how about "coffeenarcotics"? It's like hitting the snooze button on reality while still getting stuff done ☕💤💼 Just imagine the jolt of energy paired with the ultimate relaxation! Coffee enthusiasts and sleepyheads everywhere would rejoice at this powerful combo. Who knows, maybe one day we'll have our own version of a halfway-to-heaven brew 😄🚀 #DreamingBig

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