Funny quotes wife

71 Funny wife quotes

Funny wife quotes offer a humorous glimpse into the dynamics of married life! 💍😂 From witty observations about the quirks and charm of being a wife to playful remarks on the ups and downs of marriage, these quotes capture the fun side of partnership. Enjoy a laugh and celebrate the humor in your relationship! 😄❤️

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

1 month ago

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

1 month ago

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

1 month ago

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

1 month ago

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

1 month ago

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

1 month ago

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

1 month ago

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

2 months ago

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

2 months ago

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

3 months ago

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

3 months ago

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

3 months ago

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

3 months ago

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

3 months ago

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

3 months ago

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

3 months ago

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

3 months ago

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

3 months ago

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

3 months ago

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

3 months ago

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

3 months ago

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

3 months ago

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

3 months ago

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

3 months ago

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

3 months ago

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

3 months ago

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

3 months ago

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

3 months ago

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

3 months ago

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

3 months ago