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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

820 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,982

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,982

16 seconds ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Trending via TikTok:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Reported on YouTube:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Just shared via Slack:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Going viral on X:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Making waves on Pinterest:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Home » Funny Wife Quotes

89 Funny wife quotes

Funny wife quotes offer a humorous glimpse into the dynamics of married life! 💍😂 From witty observations about the quirks and charm of being a wife to playful remarks on the ups and downs of marriage, these quotes capture the fun side of partnership. Enjoy a laugh and celebrate the humor in your relationship! 😄❤️

New funny wife quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Commentary:
Sounds like she's mastered the art of stealth fitness! 🛌🏃‍♀️😂
1 week ago
Share →: 89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Commentary:
🚀😂 "When 'You look great!' becomes the new 'We're late!', fashionably running behind has never felt more glamorous! ⏰👠"
1 week ago
Share →: Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Commentary:
"Sure, let the warranty claims begin! 🤣🔧 #MotherInLawSupport"
2 weeks ago
Share →: You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Commentary:
"Forget work benefits, I'm voting for 'Miss Your Spouse Leave Days'! 😂💼❤️ #RelationshipGoals #BestEmployeePolicy"
2 weeks ago
Share →: When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a wife, I'm also a handy 'get out of jail free' card! 🎟️😂 #MasterOfExcuses"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Commentary:
"Ha! That's the sound of your lawnmower dreaming of freedom! 🚜😅 Better put it on pause, buddy!"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Commentary:
"Who says romance is dead when you’ve got AI on speed dial? 😄💌📱 #TechieLove"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Commentary:
"Out of this world and still going unnoticed? 🚀😆 Maybe it's time to phone home and get that hubby a telescope! 🔭👽"
2 weeks ago
Share →: My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Commentary:
😂🍽️ "Guess I'm on an involuntary culinary treasure hunt now! Let the games begin! #LivingOnTakeout"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Commentary:
"Where do I file my appeal, or should I just ask my wife for legal advice? 😂👩‍⚖️📜"

For even more funny wife quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny wife quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

820 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,982

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,982

16 seconds ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Making waves on X:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Just shared via TikTok:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Making waves on Threads:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Trending via Threads:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

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