114 Funny wife quotes

• (While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

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  2 days ago

  Christmas, Christmas present, gift, gift opening, humor, milk, opening, present, remember, said, while, wife

• Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

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  1 week ago

  boss, boss-in-law, humor, joke, relationship, wife, wordplay, workplace

• I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

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  2 weeks ago

  choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife

• My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

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  3 weeks ago

  asked, call, called, fox, humor, i, joke, me, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, saw, tell, wife, work

• My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

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  3 weeks ago

  give, humor, i, just, kid, kids, M&M, marriage, me, room, secret, seeing, serious, snack, surprise, talk, thought, wanted, wife

• “This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

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  4 weeks ago

  chore, clean, cleaning, garage, great, humor, people, procrastination, weekend, wife

• I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

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  1 month ago

  brain, closing, complete, done, humor, i, load, mental, mental load, pleasure, relationship, tabs, task, wife, worry

• Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

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  1 month ago

  afraid, Facebook, Facebook Marketplace, fear, funny situation, guy, husband, kidnap, kidnapped, marketplace, me, online, online purchase, pick, pickup, purchase, sent, shell, situation, something, wife, wife fear

• Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

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  1 month ago

  absolutely, another, awkward, awkward interaction, being, boyfriend, daughter, every, family, hate, hospitality, human, humor, interaction, life, me, nice, question, relationship, watching, while, wife

• I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

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  1 month ago

  bit, daughter, family, father, forgiveness, humor, i, little, lose, mind, realize, relationship, think, wife

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