Funny quotes wife

71 Funny wife quotes

Funny wife quotes offer a humorous glimpse into the dynamics of married life! 💍😂 From witty observations about the quirks and charm of being a wife to playful remarks on the ups and downs of marriage, these quotes capture the fun side of partnership. Enjoy a laugh and celebrate the humor in your relationship! 😄❤️

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Funny Quotes Mar 14, 2025

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Funny Quotes Mar 7, 2025

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Funny Quotes Feb 9, 2025

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Funny Quotes Feb 4, 2025

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Funny Quotes Feb 4, 2025

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Funny Quotes Feb 3, 2025

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Funny Quotes Jan 29, 2025

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025