61 Funny woman quotes

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  4 months ago

  View →: When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.
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  4 months ago

  View →: “Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.
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  4 months ago

  View →: ‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.
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  4 months ago

  View →: So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.
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  4 months ago

  View →: The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.
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  4 months ago

  View →: If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!
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  4 months ago

  View →: It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.
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  5 months ago

  View →: More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.
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  5 months ago

  View →: A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

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