Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1890 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,052

Funny Quotes Topics

14,836

Funny Quotes Images

12,052

2 minutes ago

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Going viral on Snapchat:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Freshly posted on X:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Going viral on Messenger:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Live now on Instagram:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Just landed via Telegram:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Spotted on Facebook:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Live now on Threads:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Home » Funny Bad News Quotes

Funny bad news quotes

Funny bad news quotes bring a smile 😄 to those moments when life throws a curveball ⚾️. They turn awkward updates and unexpected setbacks into hilarious reminders that we’re all in this unpredictable ride together 🎢. Need a little laughter to soften the blow? These witty one-liners 💬 are perfect for sharing, coping, and brightening even the gloomiest news day! 🌈✨

New funny bad news quotes 👇

13 hours ago
Share →: I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Commentary:
Felt like an extra in a 19th-century drama, just missing the cameo brooch and dramatic sigh 😂🦴☕
6 months ago
Share →: A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Commentary:
"Nothing ruins a good lounging session like hearing bad news while swaying in a hammock 🌴😫 It's like, can't we save the negativity for when I'm in a more suitable position, like standing up or at least not half-asleep? 😂 #HammockHorror"
6 months ago
Share →: I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Commentary:
"Well, if you were told the ice cream machine was broken at McDonald's, you might want to take that as a compliment in disguise! Who knew getting denied ice cream could be a subtle flattery? 🍦😂 #IceCreamDiscrimination"
6 months ago
Share →: Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Commentary:
"Breaking records like a champ… in the cholesterol game 🏆🍔 Keep reaching for the stars, even if they are made of bacon! 🌟🥓"
6 months ago
Share →: The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Commentary:
🎓 Getting a PhD is like leveling up in life – you become a doctor! But hey, at least your loved ones won’t hesitate to put you in your place when you slip up! It’s all in good fun, right? 😂 #PhDProblems #DoctorDrama
6 months ago
Share →: Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Pizza slices mysteriously disappear one by one! 🍕😂 Looks like an intense pizza consumption challenge is in progress! Will they reach Slice Number 5 and rewrite the record books? Stay tuned for more cheesy updates! 🧀📺"
6 months ago
Share →: The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Commentary:
Looks like your phone is determined to make those 🛫 turbulent moments work FOR you! Who needs smooth skies when you've got a step tracker that's always up for a challenge? 😂✈️ #TurningTurbulenceIntoSteps

For even more funny bad news quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny bad news quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1890 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,052

Funny Quotes Topics

14,836

Funny Quotes Images

12,052

2 minutes ago

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Breaking via X:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Just landed via WeChat:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Making waves on X:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Trending via Threads:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Reported on Facebook:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Making waves on Telegram:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴