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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Making waves on YouTube:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Just shared via Messenger:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Spotted on Messenger:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Live now on Reddit:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

118 Funny excuse quotes

Funny excuse quotes 🤪 are the perfect way to add a dash of humor 😂 to any situation. Whether you’re late because your pet staged a coup 🐶 or you missed a call due to a ninja attack 🥷, these creative gems turn everyday mishaps into comedy gold. Dive into a world where every excuse is a punchline and laughter is the best response 😂. Get ready to chuckle and maybe find your next great alibi! 😉

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All funny excuse quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

82 shares on X this month:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Live now on YouTube:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Spotted on Discord:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Spotted on Slack:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Going viral on Threads:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

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