57 Funny excuse quotes

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  4 days ago

  View →: Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.
• 

  1 week ago

  View →: Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.
• 

  2 weeks ago

  View →: Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.
• 

  3 weeks ago

  View →: Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.
• 

  3 weeks ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.
• 

  3 weeks ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.
• 

  1 month ago

  View →: Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: “Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.
• 

  3 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Due to foreseen circumstances, well within my control, I will be late.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

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