1019 Funny joke quotes

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like even aliens are feeling the pinch! 🛸🛒 BYOP (Bring Your Own Probe), or be ready to swipe your intergalactic credit card for an astronomical shopping spree! 👽💸😂"

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic tale of when melons discovered fashion! 🎃👖😂"

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: “Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

  Commentary:
  "Hopefully not the ones who put their phones in the fridge! 😂🤔 #KeepingItCool 📱🥶"

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

  Commentary:
  "At this point, my password hint should just be 'Try Again Later' 😂🔒🤦‍♂️"

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like my wallet is on a permanent diet! 🤑💸 #YOLOgonewrong"

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

  Commentary:
  "Guess I'm on their do-not-en-banh mi list! 🍞🚫😂 #PhoRealTho"

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

  Commentary:
  "Are you the worst-case scenario, or just my latest obsession? Either way, you're living rent-free in my head! 🤔😂🧠"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

  …

  Commentary:
  "Just honing my 'rock-paper-scissors' skills to a professional level! 🪨📄✂️😎 #OutdoorPro"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

  …

  Commentary:
  "Time flies when you're having… naps! 😴🕒😂"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

  …

  Commentary:
  "BRB, just unscrewing my spine like it's IKEA furniture! 🛠️😂 #SpinalSpaDay"

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