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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I am cassette tape years old.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1887 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,049

Funny Quotes Topics

14,835

Funny Quotes Images

12,049

3 minutes ago

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Going viral on Twitch:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Going viral on Facebook:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Making waves on X:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Live now on Snapchat:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Seen just now on Slack:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Home » Funny Keeps Quotes

Funny keeps quotes

Funny keeps quotes are the perfect way to add a splash of humor 😄 and wit to your day! Whether you need a quick laugh 😂 or a clever line to share with friends 🤪, these gems never fail to brighten moods and spark smiles. Get ready to collect some hilarious nuggets that keep the good vibes rolling 🎉 and your spirits high! Ready to laugh out loud? Let’s dive in! 🎈✨

New funny keeps quotes 👇

2 days ago
Share →: They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Commentary:
Ever tried garlic for breakfast? Guaranteed social distancing 😂🧄🚶‍♂️
3 weeks ago
Share →: Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Commentary:
"Guess we'll have to stick to a 'knight in shining armor' theme, but your accent's still jousting all over the UK! 😂🏰🌍 #AccentuateThePositive"
4 weeks ago
Share →: I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Commentary:
"Sending this email was the adult version of saying 'I dare you to sleep tonight!' 😴📧😂"
1 month ago
Share →: Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Commentary:
"Guess I should start calling it DadGPT! 😂👨‍💼🤦‍♂️"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Commentary:
Winter seems to have a lot on its mind, like a dramatic houseguest who just can't seem to make up its mind! 🤣❄️ Don't worry, Winter, we're all ears for your next rant!
5 months ago
Share →: An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

Commentary:
"Who needs apples when you've got silliness to ward off the doctor and boredom alike? 🍎🤪 Keep the giggles coming to stay in tip-top shape! 😄 #SillyIsTheNewHealthy"
6 months ago
Share →: A garlic a day keeps people away.

Commentary:
"Who needs a personal bubble when you have garlic breath? 😂🧄 Don't worry about personal space, just focus on your garlic space! 💨 #GarlicDefense"

For even more funny keeps quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny keeps quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1887 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,049

Funny Quotes Topics

14,835

Funny Quotes Images

12,049

3 minutes ago

3,453

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Just landed via Reddit:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Making waves on Twitch:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Making waves on WeChat:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Spotted on Slack:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Trending via TikTok:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Trending via Telegram:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Spotted on Telegram:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

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