Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Commentary:
Ah, late 40s – the golden age of "good health for your age" accolades! 🎉 Embrace the wisdom that comes with knowing all the best stretches for back pain and the perfect anti-aging skincare routine. Just remember, at this stage, wrinkles are just laughter lines in disguise! 😉 #AgingLikeFineWine

I'm a yapper. I'm a napper. I'm a midnight snacker.

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

Commentary:
"Ah, the three noble traits of a modern human: yapping for attention, napping for survival, and sneaking snacks at night like a stealthy ninja 🗣️💤🌙🍪 #LifeGoals"

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless ambition of always being fashionably late to the grind! ⏰😄 Who needs punctuality when you can make a stylish entrance, right? Just blame it on your 'inner child'! 😉 #FashionablyLate"

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Commentary:
"Taking a nap is like playing sleep roulette 🎲💤 Will you wake up rejuvenated and ready to conquer the world, or find yourself in a panic surrounded by angry messages? It's a risky game, but oh so tempting! Proceed with caution and maybe set an extra loud alarm just in case 😉⏰"

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Commentary:
"Offering advice in your late 20s to someone in their early 20s is like a toddler trying to guide a newbie on their very first steps in the wide world of adulthood! 🧒👶 While your intentions might be well-meaning, there's no denying the comical mismatch in experience levels. Just remember, we're all in this chaotic journey together! 🌟😄"

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Commentary:
"Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight… unless you count the early morning regret as a valuable life lesson! 💳🌙💸"

Gonna tell my dentist that if I'm late, he should start without me.

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Commentary:
"Next time you're running late for a dental appointment, just imagine your dentist getting ready to work on your teeth with a very determined look 😬. Maybe that'll motivate you to be on time – can't risk having your dentist play guessing games with which tooth to drill! ⏰⌛️😆"

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Commentary:
"Sorry for the delay, my CVS receipt decided to write a novel instead of just printing! 📃✨ Next time, I'll use it to track my reading progress instead of waiting around for it. 😆 #LongestReceiptEver"

When I say I'm saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Commentary:
"Saving myself for marriage… or just saving you from discovering my true level of annoyance 🤷‍♀️💍 Beware, the surprise awaits! 😂 #KeepingItReal"

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Commentary:
🚗💨 "I drive home faster than my delivery food on a Friday night! Gotta outpace the chickens waiting for me like I'm late for the house. Speed racer mode: activated! 🏁😂"