I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Commentary:
"Looks like even God couldn't resist showing off his greatest creation—Pedro Pascal! 🌟💁‍♂️ Who can blame Him? I mean, have you seen that charismatic smile and those acting skills? 😏🌟 #PedroPascalIsDivinelyGifted"

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Commentary:
"Out with the old, in with the new! If you suddenly hear crickets, you might want to check if you made the cut. 🦗👀 #NewChapter #SorryNotSorry"

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Commentary:
"Looks like ET is in for a treat! 👽🎁 Who knew extraterrestrial hospitality involved gift baskets? Hope they come in peace, or at least with some intergalactic snacks!" 😄🌌

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Commentary:
"Who knew that the secret to reaching NBA stardom might just be avoiding extraterrestrial competition? 🏀👽 Better start practicing those jump shots, just in case the aliens challenge us to a cosmic slam dunk contest! 🌌👾 #SpaceJam"

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Commentary:
"Looks like your wheelchair is not a fan of hitting the road… or people! 🙀🛴 Better watch out for that rampaging wheelchair – it's on a roll! ♿️😂"

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's taking the 'shot in the dark' approach to decision-making! 🎯🥃 Who needs a crystal ball when you've got a dart board and a bottle of liquor, right? Cheers to hoping for the best outcomes…and a steady hand! 🍻😄"

I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Commentary:
"Apparently, 'apple a day keeps the doctor away' only applies if you work at the fruit stand instead of the pharmaceutical company 🍏💊 #FruitfulThinking"

My parents still haven't apologized for making me ugly.

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Commentary:
"Well, maybe they thought they were giving you character instead! 😄 Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder… and in the hands of a skilled makeup artist! 💄💁‍♂️"

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old confusion between love-making and sock-putting-on activities! 😂 Who says romance is dead when you can have a thrilling sock-fitting session instead? 🧦💕"

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Commentary:
"Ah, a true connoisseur of the finer things in life! 🍷💬😬 Who needs boring hobbies when you can excel at the art of intriguing conversation and keeping things spicy? Cheers to being fabulously unconventional! 🥂💁‍♂️😜"