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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Just shared via YouTube:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Just shared via WeChat:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Trending via WeChat:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Going viral on Twitch:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Making waves on Discord:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

186 Funny movie quotes

More funny movie quotes 👇

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

1 week ago

age, ago, came, decades, feel, fossil, humor, i, jurassic, Jurassic Park, movie, nostalgia, park
I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

1 week ago

actors, comedy, feelings, fun, humor, i, kissing, movie, reaction, romantic, said, strong, subtitles, surprise, unexpected, while
Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

1 week ago

actor, actor switch, benoit, Benoit Blanc, best, blanc, bond, celebrity, character, comedy, craig, daniel, Daniel Craig, ever, film, film character, happen, humor, james, James Bond, leaving, movie, movie role, role, switch, things
It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

1 week ago

dark, dark humor, death, died, disaster, good, humor, irony, lot, movie, only, people, thing, Titanic
We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

1 week ago

activity, announcement, back, fun, fun activity, love, movie, plan, putting, random, secret, surprise, tell, theater, Tuesday, unexpected, Wednesday
Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

1 week ago

addiction, bad, dependence, distraction, feels, humor, movie, phone, phone addiction, productive, productivity, screen, screen time, tech, tech dependence, time, watching, watching movie
I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

1 week ago

alien, call, culture, humor, humorist, i, joke, movie, movie joke, parody, pop, pop culture, sci-fi, term, xenomorph
At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

1 week ago

booing, comedy, commentary, humor, literary, movie, prejudice, pride, Pride and Prejudice, satire, screen, social, social commentary, whenever
They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

1 week ago

alien, credits, entertainment, fiction, fun, humor, joke, least, list, movie, science, science fiction, should, star, Star Wars, wars
Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

1 week ago

activity, beach, day, family, family activity, going, humorous, humorous situation, Jaws, kid, kids, movie, movie night, night, sick, sick day, situation, watching

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All funny movie quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on X this month:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

25 shares on X this month:

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

22 shares on Discord this month:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Just landed via Facebook:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Live now on Pinterest:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Just landed via Facebook:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Making waves on Telegram:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Activity Log ✨

186 Funny movie quotes

More funny movie quotes 👇

All funny movie quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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