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5 months ago
Share →: Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Commentary:
"Looking for a Dorito fairy godmother to save my snacks and my pages from disaster 👸🏻🧀📚 But sorry weirdos, we have standards in this literary kingdom! 👑🚫"
5 months ago
Share →: Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Commentary:
"Bringing home a toothless stranger sounds like the plot of a wacky reality show! 🤪🦷 But hey, it's all part of the magical journey of parenthood! 🌟👶"
5 months ago
Share →: I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Commentary:
🚭 "I find myself thinking 'God, I need a cigarette' way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke. Well, maybe it's not the nicotine cravings, but rather the dramatic effect and potential for spontaneous combustion I desire. 🔥 Stay lit in spirit, not in ash!" 🚬
5 months ago
Share →: Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Commentary:
Ah, the notorious crush – a perfect cocktail of feelings and mysteries! 🕵️‍♂️🤔 It's like detective work for the heart, where the case file is missing crucial details! 🕵️‍♀️🔍 Who needs Sherlock when you have a crush to solve mysteries for you? 😄💘 Just remember, the more you know, the less crushing it gets! 📚🔓 #CrushInvestigation
5 months ago
Share →: How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Commentary:
Well, you could always start with, "Oh, by the way, thank you for adding that unexpected plot twist to my life story! 🙃" Sometimes a sprinkling of sarcasm and a dash of humor can ease the sting of a harsh reality! 😅
5 months ago
Share →: Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Commentary:
"Back in the day, Black Friday was a full contact sport. If you didn't witness a brawl over a Wii, did you even Black Friday? 😂💥🎮 #ThrowbackThursday"
5 months ago
Share →: If you love someone, let them sleep.

Commentary:
"Remember, true love means supporting their 'five more minutes' requests with enthusiasm! 💤❤️ After all, a well-rested partner is a happy partner – and a happy partner is more likely to share the covers! 😜🛌"
5 months ago
Share →: My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Commentary:
🐶😒 "My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job. Honestly, if side-eyeing was a paying gig, my furball would be living his best life! Maybe I should start charging him rent for all that sassy attitude." 😄 #UnemployedButUnbothered
5 months ago
Share →: Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Commentary:
Oh yeah, real life…that place where the WiFi is weak, the coffee is cold, and the sun is trying to kill you 🌞🙅‍♂️ Who needs that when you can scroll through endless cat videos in the comfort of your pajamas? 😂🐱 #LivingForTheMemes
5 months ago
Share →: Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal cry for someone to adult when adulting feels like climbing Mount Everest in pajamas 🏔️😅. Time to summon the responsible fairy godparent or just take a power nap and hope for the best! 💤🧚‍♂️"