252 Funny tell quotes

• Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

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  1 week ago

  communication, confession, date, ever, every, honesty, humor, idea, love, me, relationship, tell, thought

• I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

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  1 week ago

  bedtime, bedtime story, conversation, humor, i, joke, lie, me, relationship, sex, story, tell

• Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

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  1 week ago

  before, driving, green, green light, hours, humor, i, light, marriage, me, patience, relationship, sit, stoplight, tell, waiting

• My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

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  1 week ago

  asked, call, called, fox, humor, i, joke, me, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, saw, tell, wife, work

• When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

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  1 week ago

  communication, conversation, humor, interaction, language, new, social, social interaction, someone, talking, tell, trying, vocabulary, word

• If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

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  1 week ago

  coming, even, family, footsteps, humor, member, relationship, speed, stairs, tell, weight

• Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

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  1 week ago

  advice, confession, honesty, humor, life, mom, relationship, short, tell, too

• I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

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  1 week ago

  assume, everyone, finds, fun, humor, i, insecurity, interaction, issues, lying, me, otherwise, sarcasm, self-doubt, skepticism, social, social interaction, tell, trust, trust issues, unattractive, unattractiveness

• I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

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  1 week ago

  apartment, app, clean, cleaning, coming, dating, dating app, deception, girl, hell, hot, hot girl, humor, i, match, motivation, over, prank, pretending, roommate, tell, Tinder

• The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

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  1 week ago

  back, bad, bad habit, bundle, communication, habit, habits, humanity, humor, i, me, message, mushroom, need, psychedelic, response, self-improvement, shit, tell, together, told, us, weeks

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