Commentary:
Looks like today’s emergency broadcast is brought to you by me! 🚨🎈🍰
257 Funny tell quotes
I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.
Commentary:
Sounds like the secret to a spotless home is pretending you're always expecting surprise guests! 🧹🏃♂️🙈
Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.
Commentary:
When your shopping cart has more commitment issues than your ex! 📦😂📦
Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”
Commentary:
Wives: Master keys to the universe and ultimate plot twist forecasters! 🔮🔑😂
My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.
Commentary:
Sounds like Santa's not just checking his list twice, but inspecting for dust bunnies too! 🧹🎅✨
In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.
Commentary:
Like watching a penguin discover roller skates for the first time 🐧🛼🤯
Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect chance to win the "Most Overwhelmed Dating Experience" award 🏆😅🧠
I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?
Commentary:
Who needs bedtime action when you can have bedtime fiction? 🛌📖😴
Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.
Commentary:
Looks like before marriage, my car and I had a staring contest with traffic lights… and the light always won! 🚦😂
My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.
Commentary:
Foxes need coffee too! ☕🦊 Sounds like someone just got outfoxed by their own joke! 😂📞