Funny quotes twice

17 Funny twice quotes

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

2 months ago

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

2 months ago

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

3 months ago

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

3 months ago

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

3 months ago

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

3 months ago

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

3 months ago

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

3 months ago

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

3 months ago

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

3 months ago

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

3 months ago

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

3 months ago

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

3 months ago

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

3 months ago

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

3 months ago

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

3 months ago

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

3 months ago