17 Funny twice quotes

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  3 months ago

  View →: “You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.
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  4 months ago

  View →: For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.
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  5 months ago

  View →: He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.
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  5 months ago

  View →: People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.
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  5 months ago

  View →: A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

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