Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

4,012

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Making waves on Threads:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Spotted on WeChat:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Breaking via Messenger:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Trending via Discord:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Making waves on X:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

More funny quotes 👇

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

0

5 days ago

boredom, dry, dying, food, frustration, game, gaming, house, humor, hunger, i, keep, loser, losing, phone
Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

0

5 days ago

4, 4 p.m., appointment, day, introvert, nothing, p.m., ruin, ruins
Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

0

5 days ago

art, cat, chill, exist, existence, human, humans, i, job, jobs, just, need, relaxation, why
Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

0

5 days ago

business, business motive, care, casino, company, gambling, heal, healing, health, health care, irony, motive, pharmaceutical, pharmaceutical company, skepticism, trust, want, wants, win, winning
Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

0

5 days ago

call, communication, goodnight, humor, meeting, office, office humor, outlook, remote, remote work, Teams, technology, video, video call, virtual, virtual meeting, work, Zoom
Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

0

5 days ago

basket, carry, carrying, convenience, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, middle, moments, much, overestimate, shopping, should, store, stores
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

0

5 days ago

Christmas, Christmas story, everyone, favorite, favorite story, humor, hypocrisy, need, red-nosed, Red-Nosed Reindeer, reindeer, Rudolph, sarcasm, selfishness, shit, something, story, treatment, treats
Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

0

5 days ago

discovery, humor, masterpiece, movie, song, songs
Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

0

5 days ago

attitude, born, forced, hater, humor, irony, perspective, understand, understanding
If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

0

5 days ago

broke, childbirth, customer, customer service, emergency, fault, humor, last, last minute, minute, nice, pregnancy, procrastination, retail, retail worker, service, shop, shopping, water, week, worker

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Making waves on TikTok:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Spotted on Instagram:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Going viral on Reddit:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Making waves on Threads:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Making waves on Threads:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Making waves on X:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

Breaking via Instagram:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨