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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,320

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Shared recently on Slack:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Breaking via Slack:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Making waves on YouTube:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Live now on LinkedIn:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Going viral on YouTube:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Just landed via Threads:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Funny anytime quotes

Funny anytime quotes are the perfect way to sprinkle laughter 🌟 into your day, no matter the hour ⏰! Whether you need a quick mood booster 😄 or a clever zing to share with friends 🤪, these witty gems never fail to brighten vibes and spark smiles 😊. Get ready to laugh out loud and spread good vibes all day long! 🎉✨

New funny anytime quotes 👇

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

0

2 months ago

anytime, birth, comedy, day, everyday, everyday humor, exaggeration, humor, humorous, humorous quote, i, joke, perception, relativity, sarcastic, say, time, yesterday
You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

0

2 months ago

anytime, careful, caution, ever, humor, nobody, nothing, secrecy, word
Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

0

2 months ago

anytime, around, care, confidence, day, deodorant, following, humor, i, me, personal, personal care, scent, sexy, stranger, switch
Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

0

2 months ago

anytime, assumption, book, event, finished, Gatsby, great, humor, i, literary, never, party, social, social event, someone, theme
Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

0

2 months ago

anytime, cult, estate, estate sale, good, good time, humor, plan, planned, sale, sales, something, soon, time, trying, wild, wild plan
Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

0

2 months ago

always, anytime, context, conversation, guy, humor, joke, reply, sarcasm, wit
Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

0

2 months ago

activity, anytime, cost, dress, fashion, fun, fun activity, humor, retail, retail therapy, same, shopping, therapy
Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

0

4 months ago

anytime, frustration, gap, generational, generational gap, grasp, i, learning, new, new things, parent, parents, something, technology, things, used, why, wonder
Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

0

6 months ago

anytime, body, body image, chin, comment, comments, humor, i, ignore, image, joke, keep, self-confidence, someone, try, weight

All funny anytime quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on TikTok this month:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

31 shares on Threads this month:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,525

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Happiness is an inside job.

Live now on WeChat:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Live now on Instagram:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Just shared via YouTube:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Seen just now on Discord:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

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