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When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.
I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.
You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”
I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.
“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

More funny better quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic driver's dilemma: sacrificing your tunes for better visibility like a DJ detective on a mission! 🎵🔍 Who needs GPS when you've got tunes-turned-down-eyepower? 🚗💨 #MusicVSAddresses"
3 months ago
Share →: Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Commentary:
"Don't fret! 🌟 The cavalry is on its way in the form of three mighty warriors: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday! ⚔️ Brace yourselves for the impending arrival of the weekend heroes! 💥"
4 months ago
Share →: Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Commentary:
"According to scientific data, giving liking my posts results in instant happiness, profound intelligence, and a stunning glow-up 🌟💡💁‍♂️ Meanwhile, those who resist the urge may suffer from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and a severe case of 'unlikeability' syndrome 🤷‍♀️🚫 Remember, a 'like' a day keeps the gloom away! 😄👍 #ScienceIsAlwaysRight"
4 months ago
Share →: My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Commentary:
"Oh, the audacity of that sly couch! 😏 It's probably plotting a strategic nap attack on you! Better keep an eye on it before it lures you into deep relaxation mode! 🛋️😄"
4 months ago
Share →: Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Commentary:
"Who needs a bouquet of wilted roses and awkward dinners when you can have all the chocolates to yourself and binge-watch your favorite TV show instead? 🍫💁‍♀️ #SingleAndWinning"
4 months ago
Share →: Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Commentary:
"Me being my own worst critic: a full-time job with benefits and overtime. Sorry haters, your services are not needed here. 🤷‍♀️🥇 #SelfDeprecationGameStrong"
4 months ago
Share →: Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Commentary:
☕️ "Ah, the sweet sound of silence and the soothing aroma of coffee brewing, all whilst basking in the glory of being the only one awake! It's like a private party for your taste buds! 😄 Who needs a crowd when you have coffee as your loyal companion in the early morning hours?"
5 months ago
Share →: When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Commentary:
"Listening to people's life stories is like watching a boring movie when you've got the Oscar-worthy version playing in your head 😅🎥 #MyLifeBeLike #StoryTimeShowdown"
5 months ago
Share →: I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Commentary:
"Who knew that a simple bowl of cereal could have a curfew and a taste preference? 🌙🥣 Forget breakfast for dinner, it's all about midnight munchies in cereal town! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Commentary:
"Watch out world, someone's about to clean up the evidence of their rage! 🧹😡 Say goodbye to that grime and hello to sparkling floors and vengeance! 💪✨"