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10,000+ funny quotes

100 Funny better quotes

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

3 months ago

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

3 months ago

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

3 months ago

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

3 months ago

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

3 months ago

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

3 months ago

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

3 months ago

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

3 months ago

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

3 months ago

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

3 months ago

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

3 months ago

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

3 months ago

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

3 months ago

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

3 months ago

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

3 months ago

I’ve disappointed better people.

3 months ago

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

3 months ago

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

3 months ago

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

3 months ago

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

3 months ago