Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Shared recently on Threads:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Going viral on YouTube:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Making waves on Slack:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Making waves on Threads:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Funny press quotes

Funny press quotes bring a burst of laughter to the serious world of news 📰😂. They highlight the quirky, unexpected, and downright hilarious moments that make headlines unforgettable 🤣✨. Whether it’s a witty comeback or a hilarious typo, these gems prove that even the press can keep us smiling 😜🗞️. Ready to brighten your day with some cheeky media madness? Let’s dive in! 🎉📢

New funny press quotes 👇

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

0

1 month ago

20s, advice, binge, entertainment, going, important, play, press, show, Sopranos, The Sopranos, TV, TV Show, twenty, urge
If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

0

2 months ago

button, buttons, confusion, game, gaming, humor, i, indecision, know, life, press, procrastination, random, random button, right, time, video, video game, where
Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

0

2 months ago

away, button, dog, explode, explosion, got, hell, humor, i, joke, just, microchip, pet, press, runs, technology
So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

0

2 months ago

1, call, communication, cultural, cultural difference, difference, English, got, humor, i, language, me, phone, phone call, prank, press, said, telemarketer, told, understand
Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

0

2 months ago

communication, digital, humor, i, impulsive, media, messaging, press, psycho, reaction, read, send, social, social media, sometimes, text, think
The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, before, bench, bench press, exercise, fitness, good, gym, humor, laying, lifting, press, relaxation, right, workout
Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

0

3 months ago

brake, car, driving, ever, fast, humor, imaginary, imaginary brake, passenger, press, side, someone, speed
Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

0

4 months ago

humor, needs, pause, press, relaxation, someone, time, weekend

All funny press quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Instagram this month:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

90 shares on X this month:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

18 shares on Discord this month:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My love language is being sent money.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,235

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Trending via Reddit:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Shared recently on WeChat:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Just shared via Reddit:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

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