859 Funny sarcasm quotes

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

  Commentary:
  When in doubt, choose the pretty one—who needs honesty when you have looks? 😂💄✨

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

  Commentary:
  Guess you're like a boomerang with a "retry" button! 😂📩🚫✨

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

  Commentary:
  LOL! Your feelings must be on a tight budget! 💸😂💔

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

  Commentary:
  Haha, guess you’re on your way to predicting nap times and snack attacks! 🔮😉🍎

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic case of someone running a one-woman marathon—without even breaking a sweat! 🏃‍♀️💨 When she's not into you, she's probably got a million things to do… and zero time for your dramas. 😅💁‍♀️ Guess it's time to let her busy schedule keep her company—preferably somewhere far, far away from your inbox! 📭😂

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone’s ready to launch a complaint into the "Adulting" department! 😅📝 Guess we all deserve a gold star for navigating this chaos—no manual included. 🚀😂 Remember, the only thing more confusing than adult life is trying to find the "undo" button! 🤪🔄

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the only thing faster than a dog sprinting after you is my sarcasm chasing after your bad jokes! 🐕🔥😂 But hey, at least my chasing skills won’t leave you panting… unless it's from laughing too hard! 😄🎉

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

  Commentary:
  Well, looks like those fancy almonds have been lying to us all along—it's just tree’s version of a home-cooked snack! 🌰😂 Next time you crunch on one, remember you're basically gnawing on a tiny piece of tree furniture. Who knew? 🌳🤭

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

  Commentary:
  When punctuality takes a backseat to personal flair 🚦😎—because who needs a schedule when you’ve got style? 😂⏰ #LateAndLovingIt

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

  Commentary:
  Haha, talk about a forgetful party planner in the making! 🎉🤔 Maybe next time, the surprise will be on you—because with a memory like that, you'll forget you even planned it! 😅🎈#MemoryGoals

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