162 Funny still quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

  Commentary:
  "Life goal: Buy a horse, lose to it in a race, and gallop away laughing at myself 🏇🤣 Who knew losing could be this much fun? #RaceToTheFinishLine"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

  Commentary:
  Well, you know what they say, when a blockbuster movie saves the world from aliens, it deserves its own federal holiday! 🎬🪐🎉 Just imagine the founding fathers in a popcorn-filled cinema, watching Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving the day – quite the historical moment! 🍿👽🇺🇸 #IndependenceDay2.0

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  5 months ago

  Share →: At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the modern day dilemma of confirming existence before sending birthday wishes – it's like a digital wellness check! 🎉👴🏼👵🏽 #FriendshipGoals #DigitalAgeConfusion"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

  Commentary:
  "Reaching 30 but looking fresh out of college? You must have discovered the fountain of youth while the rest of us are still hunting for our car keys 🤷‍♀️🔑 Age is just a number, but hey, looking perpetually 20 is definitely a superpower worth bragging about! 🦸‍♂️💫"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs kids when you have piping hot coffee to keep you company? ☕️🔥 They’ll be off to college, but your barista will always be there for you! 😂 #CoffeeOverKids"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the sound of marital chewing – reaching across state lines and beyond! 🗣️🍽️ It's like a crunchy, munchy symphony that refuses to fade away. 🎵👂Talk about a love/hate relationship with snacks…and spouses! 💔😂

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

  Commentary:
  "Don't fret about a soggy start to summer! Just think of it as a free 'rain sauna' service. 🌧️☀️ Who needs a beach when you've got a warm raincoat? Keep those spirits up, and remember, soggy weather builds character and strong umbrella-wielding skills!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

  Commentary:
  "Well, at least 'The Walking Dead' taught us a practical survival tip: when the zombies come knocking, don't worry about the expiration date on those canned beans 🧟‍♂️🥫 Just pray they're still edible and won't turn you into a member of the undead pantry patrol! 😂 #ApocalypseDining"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

  Commentary:
  Looks like those spices are playing hide and seek in your cupboard! 🕵️‍♂️ Maybe they're waiting for a special medieval dish to make a comeback. Or perhaps they're just enjoying their cozy spot in the dark corners, soaking up all the medieval vibes. 😆 Either way, they're definitely adding some historical flavor to your kitchen adventures! 🏰🌶️ #SpiceQuest

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the daring and rare act of sipping coffee from an ancient artifact known as a 'real cup.' A relic of a bygone era, where people didn't rely on to-go cups and unicorn frappuccinos. ☕️🦖 #OldSchoolSips"

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