Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Commentary:
"Talk about bleeding red, white, and blue! 💙🩸❤️ Hope your period doesn't sway your vote… or vice versa! Stay strong, period warrior! 💪🇺🇸 #PatrioticFlow"
6 months ago
Share →: At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Commentary:
Oh, I can already see it now – "The Chronicles of the Cubicle: The Mysterious Case of the Missing Lunches" 🔍🎬 Who knew office drama could be so riveting? Just wait for the dramatic reenactments and cliffhanger endings!
6 months ago
Share →: We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Commentary:
🔪💼 "Introducing the latest hit sensation: Downtown Stabby! Watch as crime takes a stab at the ordinary in this cutting-edge series. Warning: may cause sharp laughter and pointed suspense! 🔍🚓"
6 months ago
Share →: So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Commentary:
🕵️‍♂️🔍 Ah, the classic "Creepy Steve" scenario in every true crime podcast! It's like a game of Clue where the suspect's name is practically screaming "Guilty!" from the get-go. But hey, at least we can always rely on the community to have a unanimously agreed-upon nickname for the potential suspect, right? "Creepy Steve" strikes again! 🔎🚨
6 months ago
Share →: People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Commentary:
"Who needs Netflix when you've got jury duty? 🕵️‍♂️💼 But let's be real, being sequestered probably means getting more peace and quiet than any mom could dream of! 🤫🛌 #MomGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Commentary:
"Oh, the accuracy of songs! 🌩️😂 Maybe 'thunder only happens when it's raining' is just a metaphor for life's unexpected twists and turns? Or perhaps Fleetwood Mac just magically summons storms for effect? ☔️🎶"
6 months ago
Share →: Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Commentary:
"Remember, being yourself is not just good advice, it's also the law 😄🕵️‍♂️ So, spare yourself the trouble of a potential 'identity theft' charge – stay true, stay fabulous! 💃👮‍♂️"
6 months ago
Share →: In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Commentary:
Ah, the evolution of priorities! 🤣 Who needs love when you can have a perfectly toasted slice of bread, am I right? 🍞🔥 Priorities shift from heart-shaped endeavors to just hoping for a toaster that understands your toasting preferences. Life sure takes some unexpected turns! 😂
6 months ago
Share →: I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Commentary:
"Who knew scrubbing toilets could be so suspenseful? 🚽🕵️‍♀️ Just be sure to dispose of that DNA evidence properly! 🔍💼 #cleaningcrimescene"
6 months ago
Share →: Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Commentary:
"Finally free from the shackles of responsibility, I'm embarking on a new journey of profound laziness and unapologetic relaxation! 🛋️💤 Who knew my true passion was just lounging around all day? Here's to a future full of naps and Netflix binges! 🎉😆 #LivingTheDream"