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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,611

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Just landed via Instagram:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Just landed via Facebook:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Just landed via Discord:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Just landed via Facebook:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

678 Funny activity quotes

More funny activity quotes 👇

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

3 weeks ago

activity, gardening, hobby, leisure, leisure activity, plant, plants, watering
Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

3 weeks ago

activity, alternative, case, court, date, date alternative, dinner, dinner date, forget, fun, fun activity, listening, sit
I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

3 weeks ago

activity, adult, adults, break, close, fun, fun activity, i, job, jobs, just, months, need, outside, play, please, relaxation, summer, summer vacation, think, three, tired, vacation
This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

3 weeks ago

activity, after, art, back, bring, call-in, calling, drunk, fan, fan activity, football, football season, game, getting, local, lost, lost art, need, radio, radio show, season, show, Teams
Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

3 weeks ago

activity, along, app, apps, base, baseball, baseball game, beer, dating, dating app, dog, dogs, drinking, eating, first base, game, hot, hot dog, humor, line, social, social activity, start, time, working
Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

3 weeks ago

activity, art, fun, fun activity, hangout, lost, lost art, music, music video, relaxation, smoking, smoking weed, video, videos, watching, weed
Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

3 weeks ago

activity, bird, birds, depression, feeding, good, health, hobby, mental, mental health, nature, outdoor, outdoor activity, porch, pretty, relaxation, sitting, squirrel, squirrels, treatment
Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

3 weeks ago

activity, behavior, business, humor, minding, minding business, own, personal, personal space, sarcasm, social, social behavior, space, unpopular, unpopular activity

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All funny activity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

79 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

75 shares on Slack this month:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Trending via Twitch:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Going viral on Discord:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Making waves on Discord:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Just shared via Slack:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Shared recently on Slack:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Activity Log ✨

678 Funny activity quotes

More funny activity quotes 👇

All funny activity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨