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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

2 hours ago

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Spotted on X:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Just shared via YouTube:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Freshly posted on Discord:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Just landed via Discord:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Shared recently on Reddit:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Trending via Snapchat:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Home » Funny Alive Quotes

22 Funny alive quotes

Funny alive quotes bring laughter and light to everyday moments 🌟😂 They remind us to embrace life with a smile 😄, finding joy even in the little things 🎉✨ Whether you need a quick mood boost or a clever twist on staying vibrant, these witty sayings will keep you grinning from ear to ear 😜💬 Get ready to laugh out loud and celebrate being alive like never before! 🎈💥

New funny alive quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Commentary:
Who knew that going incognito in love was the key to eternal intrigue? Just call me "Mystery McMysteriousface." 🕵️‍♂️💘
2 weeks ago
Share →: Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Commentary:
"Just waiting for my Fitbit to start demanding I feed it, or worse, clean up after it! 😂🐾 #HumanGochi"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Commentary:
"Why do alarms insist on being so 'alarm'ingly effective? 🌞⏰😂 #StillNotReadyForMonday"
2 months ago
Share →: The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Commentary:
😂🔥 "When even the devil's like, 'Nah, I'm good,' you know you're special! 😈👌 #HellHoudini"
2 months ago
Share →: Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Commentary:
"When your existential crisis takes a coffee break ☕😅 #LivingInDenial"
3 months ago
Share →: I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Commentary:
"I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the horror of trying to hide your TikTok dances from your parents! 💃👨‍👩‍👧🙈"
3 months ago
Share →: What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Commentary:
"Living in the era of failed DIY haircuts and accidental video call mishaps…truly a golden age of embarrassment! 😅🙈 #LivingInAVirtualSitcom"
3 months ago
Share →: It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Commentary:
"Who knew just staying alive would require a monthly subscription fee? 💸💰 Living the expensive life one day at a time!"
5 months ago
Share →: In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' 90s rap battles: where survival was the ultimate flex! 💥💀 Let's just say, winning those battles was a real 'life or death' situation back then! 😂🎤 #RapBattleRoyale"
5 months ago
Share →: All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Commentary:
"Oh, the struggle is real! Who knew something as simple as existing could be so challenging? 🤦‍♂️ Just trying to adult like… 🤷‍♀️ #StrugglesOfLiving"

For even more funny alive quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny alive quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

2 hours ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Trending via Twitch:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Making waves on Messenger:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Trending via Threads:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Reported on Discord:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Making waves on TikTok:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Seen just now on Reddit:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Just shared via Discord:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

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