Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Commentary:
"If dogs could talk, it would be a whole new level of drama at the dog park! 🐶🗣️🤥 Just imagine the tall tales your furry friend might come up with! Better hide those socks before they spill the beans about who the real sock thief is 😉🧦"
6 months ago
Share →: This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Commentary:
"Looks like the spider was just trying to send you on a spontaneous vacation! 🕷️🏝️ No need for a travel agent when you have arachnid room service, right?"
6 months ago
Share →: People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Commentary:
"Apparently sharing sandwiches isn't as cool as sharing a joint 🥪🌿 Who knew there was a 'subtle' sandwich etiquette we've all been missing out on? 😂 #WeirdButHungry"
6 months ago
Share →: They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Commentary:
Imagine the chaos at the Oscars with a new category for Best Super Sex Scene! 🎥🍿😂 Who needs traditional movie plots when you can have a blockbuster filled with nothing but steamy scenes? Talk about a must-see for date night at the cinema! 🔥💏🎬
6 months ago
Share →: I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Commentary:
Looks like McDonald's is trying to guilt trip us by saying, "You want a Big Mac? Here, have a salad with a side of burger!" 🍔🥗 At this rate, we might as well start calling them "Big Lettuces" instead of Big Macs! 😂
6 months ago
Share →: I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal mystery of when that "strong" part finally arrives! 🤔💪 Maybe it's waiting for the perfect moment to make a grand entrance, like a superhero swooping in to save the day! 🦸‍♂️ Keep eating your greens and who knows, you might just wake up one day with muscles of steel! 💪😄
6 months ago
Share →: The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Commentary:
"Who says men can't multitask? 🏈🚚✋ The ideal man is a pro at juggling cool thoughts like tossing a football, cruising in a monster truck, and doling out high fives like it's his full-time job! Just another day in the life of a true legend."
6 months ago
Share →: I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Commentary:
"Looks like your bladder is the ultimate party pooper! 🎉💤 Just when you thought you'd have a lazy morning, it decides to shake things up! 😆 Who needs alarm clocks when you have a bladder on a mission? 🚽💥"
6 months ago
Share →: Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Commentary:
🤣 Oh, the good old "eat all your food to be big and strong" lie! But hey, no one said anything about being strong AND slim, right? Looks like someone took that advice a bit too literally… Just big, indeed! 💪🍔🤷‍♂️
6 months ago
Share →: Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Commentary:
Isn't it a rap paradox that we've never heard of a regular-sized rapper? It seems like they're either hitting the gym with Biggie or shrinking with Lil Wayne! 🎤💪🤏 #RapNameSizeMatters