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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Going viral on Messenger:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Spotted on WeChat:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Just landed via Messenger:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Live now on Instagram:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Just shared via Messenger:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

37 Funny card quotes

Funny card quotes 😂 are the secret ingredient to brighten anyone’s day! 🎉 Whether you’re crafting a birthday card 🎂, a thank-you note 🙏, or just a random surprise ✉️, these witty lines bring giggles and grins to every occasion. Dive into the world of humor 🕶️ and unleash your inner comedian, making every card a memorable masterpiece of laughter and joy! 🤣🎈

New funny card quotes 👇

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

17 hours ago

bill, bills, card, credit, credit card, date, debt, expiration, expiration date, finance, humor, just, left, money, name, only, paid, payment, thing
Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

17 hours ago

asking, card, confusion, customer, customers, humor, me, payment, say, shit
UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

17 hours ago

card, card game, game, genius, humor, i, luck, strategy, UNO, win, winning
Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

1 day ago

bedroom, bone, card, child, credit, credit card, decorated, decoration, flirt, humor, looks, messy, messy room, room, sorry, still, want
Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

1 day ago

banking, card, decline, embarrassment, experience, finance, Funny, funny experience, humor, know, money, payment
Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card, and he gives me a $100 gift card.

3 weeks ago

brother, card, Christmas, exchange, gift, gift card, gift exchange, give, holiday, holiday humor, humor, i, me, special, time
If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

2 months ago

before, card, Christmas, Christmas card, couple, flirting, gift, gift idea, holiday, holidays, humor, idea, matching, pajama, pajamas, relationship, romantic, start, winter
Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

2 months ago

card, card game, family, game, game night, humor, ID, learn, learning, love, night, sarcasm, sure, yes
In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

2 months ago

airplane, airplane safety, card, credit, credit card, emergency, event, head, humor, inflate, jacket, joke, landing, life, life jacket, over, place, safety, swipe, water, water landing
A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

2 months ago

card, credit, credit card, every, finance, gift, gift card, humor, kind, money, shopping, spending, store

For even more funny card quotes, hit next 👇

All funny card quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Instagram this month:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

23 shares on X this month:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

20 shares on X this month:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

31 shares on Telegram this month:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Billion dollar technology idea: A printer that works.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,285

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Freshly posted on X:

Never trust a wet fart.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Making waves on Slack:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Spotted on Reddit:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Just landed via WeChat:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Just landed via Twitch:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

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