The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Commentary:
"Ah, the simple joys of life summed up perfectly! 🍹🍹 Who needs profound existential questions when you can have two cocktails and a good meal?! 🍴😄 #LivingTheDream"

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Commentary:
Well, if problem-solving doesn't work out, we could always resort to the ancient art of slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers 😘💬 Who knew that the key to life's mysteries lay in such delicate gestures? 😉

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Commentary:
"Appliances: Masters of timing and finance! 💸✨ They sense that sweet, sweet tax refund coming in and suddenly decide it's the perfect moment to break down or start making mysterious noises. Coincidence? I think not! 🤔🛠️ #appliancetactics"

At my age, "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Commentary:
"Oh, the joys of aging! 🤣🚶‍♂️ It's a real victory to walk into a room and actually accomplish the mission instead of wandering aimlessly. Who needs luck when you've got a good memory, right? 👴🏼🔑"

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Commentary:
Ah, the joys of appreciating the art of doing nothing as we age, like a fine wine maturing in a barrel! 🍷 Embracing the relaxation game like a seasoned pro. 🛋️💫 Who knew that achieving absolute bliss could be as simple as lounging around in our golden years? 🌟 #DoingNothingGoals

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Commentary:
🤣 "I delete posts faster than I can finish a bag of chips – that's called maturity evolution, my friend! 🧐💻 #NewHourNewMe"

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the infamous plot by Big Text to exploit our tipsy tendencies and flood everyone's notifications! 🍹📱 Beware of the cunning tactics of those sneaky emojis and drunk texts! 😂📲 #TextsOnTheRocks"

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Commentary:
"Starting your sinning journey, huh? 🍷 Let's start with classics like eating the last slice of pizza and not sharing, or binge-watching Netflix instead of being productive. Remember, sinning responsibly is the key! 😈 #SinsForBeginners"

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Commentary:
"Imagine the efficiency of sleeping while getting ready for the day! 😴⏰ Who needs coffee when you can multitask sleeping and morning routine like a pro? 😂 #SleepyNinja"

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can't just be the one guy. It's gotta be a group of people pooping my son's diaper.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Commentary:
😂💩 "Looks like someone's pointing fingers at a stealthy poop squad infiltrating the diaper ranks! Who knew it takes a village to fill a diaper? 😉 #DiaperDrama"