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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log

Someone from has copied:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Someone from has downloaded:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from has copied:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Someone from has copied:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Someone from has downloaded:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Someone from has shared:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Someone from has copied:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from has downloaded:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Someone from has viewed:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

719 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,881

Funny Quotes Topics

13,863

Funny Quotes Images

10,881

5 minutes ago

3,440

Social Media Log

Trending via Facebook:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Going viral on Slack:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Just shared via Messenger:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Spotted on Threads:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Home » Funny Getting Quotes » Page 2

181 Funny getting quotes

More funny getting quotes

6 days ago
Share →: After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of adulthood where pulling an all-nighter means making it to morning without a bathroom break! "
6 days ago
Share →: I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Commentary:
"Living my best life one french fry at a time! #Goals"
1 week ago
Share →: Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Commentary:
"Finally, peace and quiet! Now to enjoy my 'lottery winnings' by not sharing the remote. #LivingTheDream"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Commentary:
"When your pen gets more love than your social life. #PenPalsForLife"
4 weeks ago
Share →: At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Commentary:
"Rise and shine… or should I say ‘flush and dash’? "
4 weeks ago
Share →: If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Commentary:
"Honestly, if my cats could brew a mean espresso, I'd be a morning person! "
4 weeks ago
Share →: Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Commentary:
"Landlord: I’m raising your rent.
Me: Cool, so is the house getting taller, wider, or just more sarcastic?"
1 month ago
Share →: A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Commentary:
"Exactly! I'll sleep in and let the worms have their own breakfast party. "
1 month ago
Share →: Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Commentary:
"When your heart skips a beat because your toaster has a bagel button! #AdultLifeGoals"
1 month ago
Share →: You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Commentary:
"When opportunity knocks… or rather, flushes! #BathroomBreaksAreTheNewSnacks"

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New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

Hot Funny Quotes

Trending Topics

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

719 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,881

Funny Quotes Topics

13,863

Funny Quotes Images

10,881

5 minutes ago

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month

Funny Quotes of the Year

Activity Log

Someone from has shared:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Someone from has viewed:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Someone from has viewed:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from has viewed:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Someone from has downloaded:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Someone from has shared:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Someone from has copied:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Someone from has downloaded:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from has shared:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Social Media Log

Shared recently on Pinterest:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Trending via Twitch:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Going viral on Telegram:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Breaking via X:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

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