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64 Funny gift quotes

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

3 months ago

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

3 months ago

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

3 months ago

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

3 months ago

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

3 months ago

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

3 months ago

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

3 months ago

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

3 months ago

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

3 months ago

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

3 months ago

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

3 months ago

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

3 months ago

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

3 months ago

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

3 months ago

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

3 months ago

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

3 months ago

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

3 months ago

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

3 months ago

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

3 months ago

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

3 months ago