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100 Funny honesty quotes

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

3 months ago

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

3 months ago

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

3 months ago

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

3 months ago

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

3 months ago

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

3 months ago

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

3 months ago

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

3 months ago

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

3 months ago

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

3 months ago

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

3 months ago

Strict parents raise good liars.

3 months ago

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

3 months ago

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

3 months ago

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

3 months ago

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

3 months ago

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

3 months ago

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

3 months ago

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

3 months ago

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

3 months ago