Funny humorist quotes

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

  Commentary:
  "Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️‍♂️🔍😂"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, the ultimate game of intergalactic telephone! 📞👽 'Xenomorph' was just too formal for startle-and-scream introductions! 😂🚀"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

  Commentary:
  "Modern parenting: test-driving kids like they're on a 30-day return policy 😂👶🔄"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

  Commentary:
  "When true love looks like a side dish! 🥔❤️✨ #SpudMates"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew my heart was a foodie? 🍕❤️🤣 #FridgeGoals"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

  Commentary:
  "**Me:** Just says 'hello' 👋
  **My comments section:** An accidental Shakespearean drama unfolds 🎭🤔😆"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: I used to have a great future in my past.

  Commentary:
  "Time travel called; it said my future is stuck in the past too! 🚀⏳😂"

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