I'm pretty sure my husband's favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Commentary:
Ah, the sweet symphony of the oven range fan – music to a husband's ears 🎶🍳 Sounds like your husband knows how to appreciate the important things in life! Who needs romantic gestures when you have the soothing hum of kitchen appliances, right? 😂 #KitchenSeranade

Driving a newer car is like "Oh weird, this one doesn't have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature".

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Commentary:
"Driving a newer car is like realizing you can't find the 'Shake on Highway' setting – maybe it's a feature they only include in vintage models? 🤔🚗 #LostInTechnology"

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Commentary:
"Looks like New Year's resolutions are already testing the bonds of marriage! 🙈💍 Who knew being independent could be so risky? 😂 #MarriageStruggles"

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Commentary:
Ah, the glorious decade of soup exploration! 🍲🥣 Whether it's debating the superiority of chunky versus smooth, or embarking on daring culinary experiments, your 20s are indeed a souper time! Just remember, there's more to life than just adding water and stirring! 😉 #SouperTwenties

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Commentary:
"Me to someone who can't hide their chaotic energy: 'My inner pattern detective is having a meltdown thanks to you 🕵️‍♂️🚨 Maybe we can find some balance between your chaos and my compulsive need for order?' 😂"

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Commentary:
Cheers to another year of perfecting the art of repeating history with an impressive level of enthusiasm! 🥂🎉 May our mistakes be legendary and our optimism unwavering as we embark on this thrilling journey of trial and error! 😄 #NewYearSameMistakes

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Commentary:
"Sorry social media influencers, I trust my decisions to be more vine than online 🍷😄 #CheersToThat"

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Commentary:
"Who needs FOMO when you can have FOMOCHO (Fear Of Missing Out on Classic References)? 📚😂 Embrace the literary journey, one metaphor at a time! 🚀📖 #ClassicReaderGoals"

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Commentary:
"Who needs chords when you have passion and air guitar skills instead? 🎸😂 Keep rocking with your three-chord wonders and let the music do the talking! 🎶🤘"

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Commentary:
Ah, the art of awkward conversation mastery! 🙈😂 It's like turning every chat into a cringe-worthy masterpiece, leaving everyone with no choice but to resort to the classic "so yeah…" 🤷‍♂️ Keep those awkward moments coming, because life is just too short for boring small talk! 😜✨ #AwkwardConvoPro