Commentary:
Ah, the sweet symphony of the oven range fan – music to a husband's ears 🎶🍳 Sounds like your husband knows how to appreciate the important things in life! Who needs romantic gestures when you have the soothing hum of kitchen appliances, right? 😂 #KitchenSeranade

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.
Commentary:
"Driving a newer car is like realizing you can't find the 'Shake on Highway' setting – maybe it's a feature they only include in vintage models? 🤔🚗 #LostInTechnology"
Commentary:
"Looks like New Year's resolutions are already testing the bonds of marriage! 🙈💍 Who knew being independent could be so risky? 😂 #MarriageStruggles"

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.
Commentary:
"Me to someone who can't hide their chaotic energy: 'My inner pattern detective is having a meltdown thanks to you 🕵️♂️🚨 Maybe we can find some balance between your chaos and my compulsive need for order?' 😂"
Commentary:
Cheers to another year of perfecting the art of repeating history with an impressive level of enthusiasm! 🥂🎉 May our mistakes be legendary and our optimism unwavering as we embark on this thrilling journey of trial and error! 😄 #NewYearSameMistakes

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.
Commentary:
"Sorry social media influencers, I trust my decisions to be more vine than online 🍷😄 #CheersToThat"
Commentary:
"Who needs FOMO when you can have FOMOCHO (Fear Of Missing Out on Classic References)? 📚😂 Embrace the literary journey, one metaphor at a time! 🚀📖 #ClassicReaderGoals"
Commentary:
"Who needs chords when you have passion and air guitar skills instead? 🎸😂 Keep rocking with your three-chord wonders and let the music do the talking! 🎶🤘"
Commentary:
Ah, the art of awkward conversation mastery! 🙈😂 It's like turning every chat into a cringe-worthy masterpiece, leaving everyone with no choice but to resort to the classic "so yeah…" 🤷♂️ Keep those awkward moments coming, because life is just too short for boring small talk! 😜✨ #AwkwardConvoPro