Funny quotes second

36 Funny second quotes

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

2 months ago

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

2 months ago

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

3 months ago

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

3 months ago

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

3 months ago

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

3 months ago

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

3 months ago

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

3 months ago

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

3 months ago

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

3 months ago

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

3 months ago

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

3 months ago

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

3 months ago

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

3 months ago

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

3 months ago

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

3 months ago

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

3 months ago

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

3 months ago

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

3 months ago

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

3 months ago