Funny quotes second

36 Funny second quotes

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Funny Quotes Feb 23, 2025

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Funny Quotes Feb 20, 2025

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Funny Quotes Feb 3, 2025

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025