Funny quotes straight

25 Funny straight quotes

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

2 weeks ago

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

3 weeks ago

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

1 month ago

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

2 months ago

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

2 months ago

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

3 months ago

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

3 months ago

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

3 months ago

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

3 months ago

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

3 months ago

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

3 months ago

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

3 months ago

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

3 months ago

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

3 months ago

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

3 months ago

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

3 months ago

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

3 months ago

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

3 months ago

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

3 months ago

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

3 months ago