29 Funny straight quotes

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

  …

  Commentary:
  "Finally, a summer fitness plan that matches my energy level! 🗣️😂🌞"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

  👇

  Commentary:
  "When they finally have a brunch together, the universe might implode from the awkward silence. 🌈🥐😅"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

  Commentary:
  "Fashion tip: If your outfit requires a helicopter landing pad just to walk to your car, you're probably winning the runway game! 🚁👗😂"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

  Commentary:
  "Sounds divine! Just make sure he's got 'Handle With Care' written all over him! 😉🎁✨"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

  Commentary:
  🤣 "If you ever go for a walk with me, be prepared for some unintentional bumping! I like to add a little zigzag to keep things interesting. Who needs a straight line anyway? Let's keep it lively and bumpy together! 🚶‍♂️🤷‍♀️"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the LGBTQ acronym always keeps people guessing! 🤔 But hey, who needs a 'straight' answer when you can have a fabulous one instead? 🌈😄"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

  Commentary:
  Can you picture Pinocchio laying down some sassy burns without his nose growing? That's one heck of a roast battle! 🤥🔥 Just imagine the wooden boy dropping truth bombs with a straight face. 😂 Better watch out, his words might be as sharp as his nose is long!

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, to bypass the mid-life crisis and dive right into perfecting the art of crankiness! 🙄👴 No time for flashy sports cars or questionable fashion choices, just pure unadulterated curmudgeonliness ahead! 😂 #AgeBeforeCrankiness"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

  Commentary:
  🎨 "Who knew hanging paintings could be so scandalous? Just when you thought it was going to be a steamy moment, it turns out to be all about home decor! Talk about a plot twist! 🖼️😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

  Commentary:
  🌞💤 "Who needs good mornings when you can bond over bad nights of sleep? Sounds like a sure way to start the day on a relatable note! 😅💤 #SleeptalkOverCoffee"

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