Funny quotes tell

159 Funny tell quotes

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

2 weeks ago

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

2 weeks ago

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

4 weeks ago

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

1 month ago

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

1 month ago

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

1 month ago

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

1 month ago

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

1 month ago

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

1 month ago

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

1 month ago

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

1 month ago

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

1 month ago

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

1 month ago

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

1 month ago

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

1 month ago

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

1 month ago

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

2 months ago

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

2 months ago

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

2 months ago

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

2 months ago