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10,000+ funny quotes
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tell
159 Funny tell quotes
I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.
2 weeks ago
What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?
2 weeks ago
So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.
4 weeks ago
Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.
1 month ago
Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.
1 month ago
People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?
1 month ago
The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.
1 month ago
Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.
1 month ago
Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.
1 month ago
I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.
1 month ago
Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.
1 month ago
I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.
1 month ago
Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.
1 month ago
I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.
1 month ago
I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.
1 month ago
Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.
1 month ago
Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.
2 months ago
If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.
2 months ago
I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.
2 months ago
No email needs to tell me not to reply.
2 months ago
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