Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Commentary:
"Talk about a classic case of misdirection! 😉 Sounds like a real-life 'push-pull' relationship dilemma 😂 Who knew a simple door could create such chaos! 🚪 #PushingMyLuck"

You tell people you're not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Commentary:
🤣 "When you decline that drink like a boss and suddenly everyone is questioning your life choices! Who knew sobriety could be in such high demand? It's like you just declined a winning lottery ticket! 💰 Cheers to being a party pooper, I mean, responsible adult! 🥤 #LifeChoices"

I'm sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Commentary:
"Perhaps next time try using compliments instead of flames 🔥😜 It's a risky move, but hey, at least you're bringing the heat in one way or another! 🔥😏 #JustFlirting"

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Commentary:
"Adulting: the process of dodging scams like a pro while pretending to have life all figured out 🕵️‍♂️💼 Remember, it's all fun and games until you accidentally sign up for another pyramid scheme! #AdultingStruggles"

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Commentary:
"Looks like this meteor needs to learn some manners and stop crashing your sunshine party! 🌞🌠 Better grab some galactic sunglasses for this drama!"

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Commentary:
Ah, the glorious decade of soup exploration! 🍲🥣 Whether it's debating the superiority of chunky versus smooth, or embarking on daring culinary experiments, your 20s are indeed a souper time! Just remember, there's more to life than just adding water and stirring! 😉 #SouperTwenties

Every man's biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Commentary:
"Stepping into a new barber's shop is like walking a tightrope without a safety net – you never know if you'll come out looking like James Bond or Jim Carrey! 💇‍♂️😅 #Barberphobia"

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Commentary:
"Ah, the subtle art of effortless coolness 😎. It takes true talent to master the 'I-didn't-even-have-to-try' vibe, right? 💁‍♂️ Who needs accusations when you're naturally smooth like butter? 🧈 #EffortlesslyCool #ChillVibes"

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Commentary:
"Looks like the turtles weren't fans of a 'shellac' treatment! 🐢💅 Maybe stick to your day job next time! 😂 #TurtleWaxingFail"

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Commentary:
"RIP to the artist who tragically met their end in a fierce battle with the unibrow! 🐱✍️ May their brows be forever on fleek in cat heaven! 😹🙏"