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130 Funny workplace quotes

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

3 months ago

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

3 months ago

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

3 months ago

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

3 months ago

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

3 months ago

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

3 months ago

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

3 months ago

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

3 months ago

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

3 months ago

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

3 months ago

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

3 months ago

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

3 months ago

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

3 months ago

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

3 months ago

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

3 months ago

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

3 months ago

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

3 months ago

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

3 months ago

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

3 months ago

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

3 months ago