New Funny Quotes - Wordgag ツ

Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,610

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sausage might clog my arteries, but it lubricates my soul.

Going viral on Reddit:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Making waves on Snapchat:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Going viral on YouTube:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

New funny quotes 👇

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

16 seconds ago

back, change, home, joke, locks, out of town, Roomba, technology, town
I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

2 minutes ago

excitement, humor, i, last, lottery, money, night, peasants, scratch-off, win
I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

3 minutes ago

camping, discomfort, humor, i, mortgage, nature, outside, pay, preferences, sleep, wanted
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

4 minutes ago

attitude, humor, i, lazy, motivation, participation, procrastination, selective, selective participation, term, ugly, ugly word, word
How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

5 minutes ago

doing, doing nothing, downtime, follow, great, humor, laziness, nothing, relaxation, rest
Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

5 minutes ago

brother, died, excuse, fish, friend, friends, grandpa, grandson, humor, i, mother, sister, sorry, today, tragedy, uncle
How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

7 minutes ago

awkward, back, humor, inappropriate, know, minutes, need, scratch, stranger
The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

7 minutes ago

humor, intimacy, Jaws, movie, relationship, sex, soundtrack, theme
My favorite color is money.

9 minutes ago

color, favorite, favorite color, humor, irony, money, personal, personal preference, preference, wealth
With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

10 minutes ago

age, aging, digestive, digestive trouble, health, humor, lessons, life, life lessons, trouble, wisdom

For even more funny quotes, hit next 👇

All funny quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Slack this month:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

61 shares on X this month:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

56 shares on Reddit this month:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

80 shares on Slack this month:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Breaking via Reddit:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Going viral on Discord:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Spotted on Slack:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Activity Log ✨

All funny quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨