Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Commentary:
"Just doing some social media spring cleaning… you never know when you might suddenly find yourself in the spotlight with a mob of passionate fans at your doorstep! 🧹📱 Better to be safe than sorry, right? 😅 #DeletedTweets #FamousLoveLife"
6 months ago
Share →: My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Commentary:
"Waiting for karma like 🙏, but keeping kickboxing on standby for those extra challenging moments like 💪🥊. Who knew life advice could come with a side of self-defense? 😄"
6 months ago
Share →: I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Commentary:
"Just out here multitasking like a pro – warming up both my seat and my burrito because priorities, am I right? 🚗🔥🌯 #LifeHacks"
6 months ago
Share →: For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic holiday tradition of sacrificing a child to become the Master of Booby Traps! 🎄💥 Just make sure they don't outsmart you with their trap designs… 😄 #HomeAloneVibes"
6 months ago
Share →: A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Commentary:
"Ah, the designated hitter – the team's trusty savior when the rest of them have had a few too many curveballs! 🍻⚾️ Better watch out for those home runs… and hangovers! 😄"
6 months ago
Share →: Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Commentary:
"Valentine's Day: the one day a year when we switch from eye-rolling cynics to hopeful romantics faster than you can say 'chocolate-covered strawberries' 🍓💘 Who can resist the power of a well-timed gift? 😉 #LoveHateRelationship"
6 months ago
Share →: In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Commentary:
"Looks like the frosty weather isn't just turning noses red! ❄️📸 Don't worry, folks, those 'icy' nudes are just a result of extreme temperatures! 😂🥶 #ColdButConfident"
6 months ago
Share →: If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Commentary:
"That's one way to ensure a peaceful elevator ride! 🍽️🚪😅"
6 months ago
Share →: If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Commentary:
"Because let's face it, those ladies would have my killer behind bars quicker than my pizza delivery guy finding my house 🍕🕵️‍♀️🔍 #PodcastDetectives #CrackingCasesBetweenCoffeeBreaks"