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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Live now on LinkedIn:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Just landed via Telegram:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

Just shared via Threads:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Spotted on Twitch:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Going bananas on YouTube:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Spotted on WeChat:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

52 Funny choices quotes

Funny choices quotes 🤔😂 are the perfect pick-me-up for those moments when life throws a curveball 🎢. Whether you’re stuck between two equally absurd options or just need a laugh to brighten your day, these quotes are here to remind you that sometimes all you can do is shrug, giggle, and go with the flow 🌟. Get ready to chuckle at the hilariously relatable scenarios we all face in this quirky adventure called life! 🎉

New funny choices quotes 👇

Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

1 week ago

agree, away, breakup, choice, choices, Crocs, disagreement, fashion, humor, just, okay, relationship, sh, throw, wear
I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

1 week ago

choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife
Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

1 week ago

brand, choice, choices, excited, humor, life, life choice, new, questioning, reflection, sarcasm, self, self-reflection, super, week
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

1 week ago

aid, alphabet, alphabet song, am, childhood, childhood habit, choice, choices, count, counting, decision, decision making, finger, finger counting, fingers, habit, i, learning, learning method, letter, life, life choice, making, memory, memory aid, method, next, sing, song, still, whole
It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

1 week ago

adventure, anything, career, choices, choose, date, dirt, eating, even, freedom, humor, irony, just, life, nonchalance, outside, person, quirk, recklessness, start, sure, universe, want, wild, wrong
Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

1 week ago

bad, bad choice, bad decision, choice, choices, decision, humor, humorous, making, myself, number, pride, proud, record-breaking, sarcastic, self-deprecating, today
All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

1 week ago

choice, choices, decision, free, free will, here, humor, humor quote, i, irony, know, led, life, life choice, me, post, right, self-deprecating
As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

1 week ago

child, childhood, choice, choices, dinner, family, food, humor, leave, mealtime, menu, parenting, sarcasm, take
Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

2 weeks ago

busy, choices, dream, going, i, ignore, life, lot, priorities, right, stress, symbolic
People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

2 weeks ago

bad, big, choices, go big, go home, home, humor, i, life, life choices, nap, people, relaxation, rest, thing, want

For even more funny choices quotes, hit next 👇

All funny choices quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

59 shares on Slack this month:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I like that linguists chose the term ‘loan words,’ implying that one day we’ll get them back.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,546

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Trending via TikTok:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Going viral on Threads:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Spotted on Discord:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Making waves on Reddit:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Just shared via Messenger:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Just shared via Slack:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

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