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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Just shared via Instagram:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Spotted on Reddit:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Shared recently on Discord:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Spotted on Reddit:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Seen just now on Messenger:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Breaking via X:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Spotted on Slack:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

158 Funny distraction quotes

More funny distraction quotes 👇

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

6 days ago

anyone, blast, concern, dad, distraction, else, family, father, full, habit, house, humor, just, loud, phone, phones, video, videos, volume, watch
Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

6 days ago

2, binge, binge-watching, day, distraction, entertainment, happening, humor, movie, prevent, procrastination, thought, watching
My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

6 days ago

AI, angel, app, apps, bad, bad luck, betting, distraction, generative, generative AI, guardian, guardian angel, happen, humor, letting, luck, me, sports, sports betting, technology, things, why
I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

6 days ago

brain, distraction, going, humor, i, love, mind, only, overthinking, think, thought
My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

6 days ago

communication, dead, distraction, face, hear, humor, i, listening, said, sarcasm, stare, superpower, talking, while, word
Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

6 days ago

able, distraction, ever, genuine, humor, love, loved, media, pause, reel, scroll, self-awareness, social, social media, sometimes, sure, video, YouTube
Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

6 days ago

apology, bad, bad day, bad year, bro, day, distraction, having, humor, just, sorry, year, zoning, zoning out
I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

6 days ago

appreciation, distracted, distraction, enough, got, i, music, person, personality, relatable, restart, song
If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

6 days ago

assume, communication, distracted, distraction, got, humor, i, message, reply, response, texting
I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

6 days ago

again, book, books, distraction, finish, going, humor, i, internet, procrastination, reading, soon, start

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All funny distraction quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Slack this month:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

81 shares on Threads this month:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Breaking via Threads:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Going viral on WeChat:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Just landed via X:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Just shared via Slack:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Spotted on Instagram:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Activity Log ✨

158 Funny distraction quotes

More funny distraction quotes 👇

All funny distraction quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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