27 funny driver quotes - Wordgag ツ

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Feb 3, 2026

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Feb 3, 2026

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Feb 2, 2026

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Feb 2, 2026

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Feb 2, 2026

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Feb 1, 2026

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Feb 1, 2026

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Feb 1, 2026

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Jan 31, 2026

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Jan 31, 2026

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

Jan 31, 2026

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

Jan 29, 2026

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Jan 23, 2026

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Jan 23, 2026

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Jan 23, 2026

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Jan 23, 2026

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Jan 22, 2026

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Jan 21, 2026

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Jan 20, 2026

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Jan 20, 2026

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Jan 20, 2026

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Jan 19, 2026

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Jan 19, 2026

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Jan 19, 2026

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Jan 19, 2026

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Jan 18, 2026

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Jan 18, 2026