Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,781

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Just landed via Twitch:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Just landed via Messenger:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Just landed via Threads:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Seen just now on Slack:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Making waves on YouTube:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Just shared via Instagram:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

61 Funny metaphor quotes

More funny metaphor quotes 👇

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

0

2 months ago

around, bird, flying, humor, love, me, metaphor, moving, relationship
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

0

2 months ago

face, friends, humor, loyalty, metaphor, ocean, octopus, relationships, stay, true, waf
Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

0

2 months ago

color, comparison, ever, frustration, humor, life, metaphor, red, red wine, shirt, spill, white, wine
I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

0

2 months ago

am, anger, emotion, full, humor, i, lamp, lava, lava lamp, love, metaphor
I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

0

3 months ago

adult, comparison, fruit, humor, identity, metaphor, same, tomato
Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

0

3 months ago

advice, dirty, humor, likes, metaphor, never, pig, wrestle
Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

0

3 months ago

basement, bottom, found, humor, just, life, metaphor, rock, rock bottom
He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

0

3 months ago

heart, humor, just, light, lights, love, metaphor, right, romantic
The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

1

3 months ago

animal, animal metaphor, bed, chair, clothes, concern, daily, daily routine, day, every, humor, lioness, messy, messy room, metaphor, moves, pile, room, routine
Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

0

3 months ago

angel, falling, feather, girl, girls, hair, humor, leave, literally, little, long hair, metaphor, trace, traces, wherever, wing, wings

For even more funny metaphor quotes, hit next 👇

All funny metaphor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Telegram this month:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

69 shares on Slack this month:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

29 shares on X this month:

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

40 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Activity Log ✨

61 Funny metaphor quotes

More funny metaphor quotes 👇

All funny metaphor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨