Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,686

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Making waves on TikTok:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Making waves on Instagram:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Freshly posted on X:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Live now on Facebook:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Just shared via Messenger:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

27 Funny mine quotes

Funny mine quotes are pure gold for anyone who loves a clever twist on ownership and humor! 💎 Whether you’re staking your claim or just sharing a laugh, these witty lines dig deep into the fun side of “mine.” 😂 Perfect for brightening up your day or adding a spark to your posts, get ready to strike a vein of laughter with these playful gems! 💥✨

New funny mine quotes 👇

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

0

1 month ago

comfort, comfort zone, humor, interaction, invitation, leave, mine, personality, should, social, social interaction, zone
Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

0

2 months ago

attack, communication, emotional, emotional intensity, i, intensity, man, me, men, mine, nonchalant, nonchalant man, panic, panic attack, relationship, talking, want
My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, before, being, day, delivery, digital, five, humor, i, means, mine, new, phone, privacy, sarcasm, surveillance, technology, track, tracking
Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

0

2 months ago

attraction, confidence, dating, desire, flirtation, humor, i, interest, keep, knees, me, mine, nonchalant, ones, romantic, romantic interest, self-assurance, want
I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

0

2 months ago

being, clown, comedy, conflict, humor, i, irony, mind, mine, perspective, relationship, story, villain
Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

0

2 months ago

ever, finance, goodbye, humor, irony, mine, money, spending, wealth
Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

0

2 months ago

adopted, biologically, dog, humor, i, me, mine, pet, response, someone, whenever
The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

0

2 months ago

announcer, belonging, belongings, forgetfulness, home, humor, just, keep, left, mine, personal, personal belonging, should, times, train, travel, us
Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

0

2 months ago

bit, body, contribution, creativity, donating, English, English lit, enough, humor, just, lit, literature, mine, science, spice, things, unique, unique contribution
How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

0

2 months ago

4, family, family photo, humor, kids, mine, oil, oil painting, painting, paintings, parenting, photo, pose, seconds, sit, sit still, still

For even more funny mine quotes, hit next 👇

All funny mine quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on X this month:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

85 shares on Threads this month:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

73 shares on Threads this month:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,339

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Trending via Facebook:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Live now on Twitch:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Shared recently on Snapchat:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Trending via Twitch:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴