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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Spotted on TikTok:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Just landed via YouTube:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Just shared via WeChat:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Shared recently on Reddit:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Live now on Discord:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Freshly posted on X:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

254 Funny nothing quotes

More funny nothing quotes 👇

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

1 week ago

book, books, film, films, humor, i, leisure, management, multitasking, nothing, procrastination, read, relaxation, time, time management, want, watch
White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

1 week ago

competition, elephant, exchange, fight, fighting, game, garbage, gift, gift exchange, holiday, holiday game, humor, nothing, over, people, together, white, white elephant
Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

1 week ago

4, 4 p.m., appointment, day, introvert, nothing, p.m., ruin, ruins
I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

1 week ago

absolutely, anti-social, being, doing, doing nothing, home, humor, i, laziness, love, never, nothing, procrastination, relaxation, society
There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

1 week ago

bathroom, bed, being, comfort, comfy, frustration, hate, i, inconvenience, night, nothing, pee, sleep
Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

1 week ago

ahead, anywhere, change, change of plan, doing, doing nothing, enjoy, event, humor, i, invitation, invite, know, last, last minute, me, minute, need, needs, nothing, plan, preparation, procrastination, social, social event, spontaneity, time
Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

1 week ago

apart, begin, clothing, comfort, fall, falling, falling apart, favorite, humor, nothing, preparation, relatability, sweatpant, sweatpants
Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

1 week ago

being, broke, hatred, humor, i, just, money, motivation, nothing, passion, pure, work
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

1 week ago

bad, blanket, comfort, cozy, happen, humor, just, nothing, protection, remember, safety, under, while
Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

1 week ago

betrayal, betraying, destroying, humor, kitten, mommy, nothing, sarcasm, self-destruction

For even more funny nothing quotes, hit next 👇

All funny nothing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

53 shares on Discord this month:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

Going viral on TikTok:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Breaking via Slack:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Live now on Instagram:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Spotted on Facebook:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Making waves on Messenger:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Freshly posted on X:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Spotted on X:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Trending via Discord:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Activity Log ✨

254 Funny nothing quotes

More funny nothing quotes 👇

All funny nothing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨