22 Funny ones quotes

• If every lesbian is into older women, who’s gonna like the younger ones?

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  4 weeks ago

  age, age gap, dating, every, gap, humor, lesbian, older, older woman, ones, relationship, woman, women, younger, younger woman

• I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

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  4 weeks ago

  animal, animals, human, humor, i, just, ones, sarcasm, smile

• If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

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  4 weeks ago

  alcohol, anger, angry, ban, drunk, father, hunger, hungry, lot, memory, ones, people, stoned, weed

• It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

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  4 weeks ago

  beautiful, beautiful day, create, day, existing, humor, ignore, irony, new, ones, problem, problems, procrastination

• First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

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  4 weeks ago

  buying, celebration, firework, fireworks, first time, high five, humor, i, ID, me, ones, picked, right, salesman, sure, time, wink

• Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

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  4 weeks ago

  bartender, cave, caveman, drink, humor, joke, ones, pun

• My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

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  4 weeks ago

  delivery, email, emails, excitement, favorite, notification, ones, order, say, shipment, shopping

• I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

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  4 weeks ago

  carry, carrying, comic, flight, fly, flying, friendship, fun, humor, i, ones, pick, superher, support, teamwork

• Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

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  4 weeks ago

  alcohol, bad, bad choice, better, choice, decision, decision making, decisions, drink, drink humor, drunk, drunk decision, humor, i, making, ones, self-deprecation, sober, sober decision, sure

• Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

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  4 weeks ago

  control, control freak, dark, dark humor, death, eulogy, freak, funny perspective, funny thought, humor, i, loved, ones, own, perspective, quirky, relatable, say, thinking, thought, thoughts, want, writing

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